Grace Notes // Desire - Week 3

Written by Keli Miller

Desire | Marriage, Family, Singleness 

Marriage: It’s a gift not a goal.

Pastor Chris opened the sermon off with a quote from Jackie Hill Perry saying, “Our sexuality is not our soul, marriage is not Heaven and singleness is not Hell.”  In the church there is a high value on marriage and the nuclear family and rightfully so, they are beautiful gifts that offer us a glimpse at the eternal promise of union with God. But they are just that, a gift, not a right, not a goal, not a promise from God, but a gift. 

At times marriage can feel like a goal to be earned. So often it can feel like there is a lock box and I’m trying to crack the code,  if I just say the right prayer, stop looking for that someone, and surrender my desires, all while simultaneously praying for my future husband,  eventually I’ll crack the code and wind up married. We exhaust ourselves trying to earn a gift that can’t be earned. 

Marriage does not equate to spiritual maturity. I’ll say it again, louder for the folks in the back, marriage does not equate to spiritual maturity and singleness is not a thing to escape.  Both of these things are gifts. They are two separate but equally blessed gifts. When we treat one as a goal and the other as less than, there is a sense of shame and failure when the goal is  unmet. When Paul talks about the gift of singleness remember that it’s not a supernatural gift to be single, but rather he is talking about his current season with a heart of gratitude.

God is the giver of good gifts, keep saying that until you believe it. Where you are right now is part of God’s gift to you. Whether you are desiring marriage, you feel broken inside of a marriage, or you are longing for children of your own to call family, God will meet you there.  You have a gift in your hand and God is asking you, “What are you going to do with it today?” 

Isaiah 56:3 says,“Let not the Eunuch say, I am only a dry tree.” God did not forget you. In your current season He wants to satisfy you. Even amidst longing and desire God gives you His best. 

“Satisfied hearts can still be hungry hearts” - Chris Moerman.  


It is okay to desire each of these things, but be cautious not to miss the gift of your present season while trying to achieve a goal.

In The Word

On Marriage- Matthew 22:23-30 

On Singleness- 1 Corinthians 7: 6-9

On Family- Matthew 12:46-50

Processing questions

Ask God what He has for you today, in your current season. Is there a gift that you have not taken notice of?  

Are there areas in your life where you have taken a gift from God and made it a goal?

What would it look like to surrender our striving to God and wait patiently on the Lord